Legolas' secret Diary
by LozLovin-Legolas
Summary: I know this has been done to death but this is my version NO SLASH a note about the time periods they might be a little off, no flames


**Disclaimer I do not own LOTR or any of the characters**  
  
The Secret Diary of Legolas Greenleaf.  
  
Day one: Attended the Council of Elrond today. Elrond is so Gay with his girly tiara and don't even get me started on that hairstyle I mean come on! Anyway luckily I don't have to go on usual boring holiday with my father because I have to follow a stupid little hobbit to Mordor to destroy tacky looking gold ring.  
  
Day three: Stuck on top of snow-covered thing because stupid Gandalf forgot to watch the weather report before we left Rivendell.  
  
Day four: Gimli (he's the stupid dwarf thing) suggested we take a shortcut though the mines of Moria so now we're waiting here, in the freezing cold I might add, for Gandalf to open stupid magic door because Gimli the stupid Dwarf thing can't remember the stupid password.  
  
Day five (I think): Gandalf stuck gum in my hair! Now I have to comb it out and it's too dark to see my reflection in my mirror!  
  
Later: Gandalf *fell* into shadow and we finally got out of the mines. Yay!!! I can finally get gum out!  
  
Day six: Arrived in Lothlorien. Saw my idiot cousin Haldir and tried to shoot him (he insulted my dress sense a couple thousand years ago and then he copied my hairstyle 500 years ago) but Aragorn stopped me. Stupid human thing!!!  
  
Day ten: Got a pretty bow from Galadriel she's so sweet. Unfortunately we have to leave Lothlorien. *Sigh*  
  
Day twelve: Boromir (stupid human thing 2) died. I think Aragorn's drunk, he went in the opposite direction to Frodo and Sam and said something about being king of England... or was it Gondor?  
  
Day fourteen: Been running through Rohan after Uruk-hai and Merry and Pippin. Gimli started to complain and Aragorn said it was good exercise as if I need exercise with my perfect body and it won't be perfect soon because my hair is soon going to be like the darker places in Mirkwood all tangled with the Valar knows what in it.  
  
Day fifteen: Met the Riders of Rohan today very hairy and primitive I'm sure they don't know what soap is.  
  
Later: Gandalf alive! I guess my plan for revenge backfired as Gandalf got new sparkly white robes, (wish I could get my underwear so white).  
  
Day sixteen: Rode to Edoras and got into a fight with weak human things, did v. good but unfortunately broke a couple of my perfectly manicured nails. Must go and have a 200-year elf prince sulk.  
  
Later: Real bad tangle but still the prettiest elf here. Aragorn and Thèoden had an argument humans are so rash and so not beautiful.  
  
Even Later: Gandalf set off to find Èomer and we headed off to Helm's Deep with the Rohan people. I was right about the soap thing they STINK! *Faints from smell*  
  
Day seventeen: Was attacked by Warg riders killed a good few V. good. Broke another nail! *Disembowels offending orc* Oh and Aragorn *fell* off a cliff mysteriously after insulting my fashion sense (he was babbling on about how I should wear more leather, as if I would wear pig skin! The cheek of it some people have no respect for their elders!)  
  
Later: Aragorn not dead! *Bangs head against wall until realises it damaged complexion* But he is very messy (like usual!) might lend him one of my spare combs.  
  
Even Later: Had an argument with Aragorn did very good until guilt set in.  
  
Early evening: Made up with Aragorn by lending him a comb V. good. That prissy pants Haldir showed up. I'm defiantly hotter than him and my butts in way better shape. (And I didn't get dumped by Arwen cause I dumped her!)  
  
Night: The battles begun and already I've killed 19 orcs (dwarf things on 2!) gotta go they just blew up the wall must go and skate down some steps on a shield and kick some ugly orc butt and avenge my nails. (Should have got them insured.)  
  
Day eighteen: I can't believe my luck that stupid idiot cousin of mine got his thick head whacked in and I didn't even do anything! I can't imagine why Aragorn's so depressed I mean it's not much of a waste, me I'm more depressed about my hair. As a welcoming gift Gandalf stuck gum in it again! Must go Gandalf wants to show off his new robes to Saruman.  
  
Day nineteen: Rode to Isengard and guess what our company found but Merry and Pippin smoking (foul stuff never touched it myself) and stuffing their faces claiming to have earned it! Well when they defeat a ten thousand strong orc army I'll say they earned it. Pippin found a glowing stone in the water not interested myself, as I can't see my reflection in it.  
  
Day twenty: Back at Edoras now and listening to the Hobbits caterwauling and jumping on the table. I think I'll go outside for a bit.  
  
Later: After warning Aragorn that Sauron was coming which he totally ignored (youngsters these days) I had to save a stupid hobbit from an inanimate object that he claimed to be alive (I knew smoking would one day scramble what little brains he had).  
  
Day twenty-one: Gandalf took stupid brainless hobbit to Minas Tirith with him and I redid my braids.  
  
Day twenty-two: Gondor finally lit the beacons and we set out for Dunharrow with Thèoden and the Riders of Rohan. (They still stink!)  
  
Later: Arrived at Dunharrow. All the horses have gone insane and needed to be put in straitjackets. Èomer scared as well took all his self-control not to scream like a girl.  
  
Even Later: Aragorn tried to sneak off! After all we've been through he decided to leave us behind with the smelly humans, well actually Gimli fits right in so it wouldn't be so bad for him. Anyway on our way to a haunted cave. (That should please Gimli.)  
  
Day Twenty-three: I was wrong Gimli hated the cave and refused to go in. So did the horses but they are brainless animals so... Well he'll never live it down!  
  
Later: Was walking through caves until we saw a glowing green guy. Well at least he has colour sense even if he did try to kill us. Well I wasn't worried about *us* only my hair and me. (No nails left to worry about.)  
  
Even Later: Stole ugly black ships from ugly black baddies. Green guy and green guy's green friends helped.  
  
Day Twenty-four: Go me! I killed no less than 50 orcs! And a giant Oliphant but Gimli only let me count that as one. At first I was going easy on them but then they decided I needed a hair cut so as you can imagine...  
  
Later: Gandalf worried about Frodo and who can blame him, poor little guy having to go to Mordor like that. Anyway Aragorn came up with the great idea of going to the black gates and distracting Sauron. Guess what I was the only one who supported the idea all the others thought me and Aragorn were crazy. (Well I still thought we were crazy but I'd rather die honourably, than hiding in some cave like dwarves do.)  
  
Day Twenty-five: We convinced the others well I convinced the others Aragorn just nodded his head at everything I said so just to annoy him I added in elvish Aragorn is stupid fat and ugly, he actually nodded and Mithrandir nearly burst out laughing.  
  
Later: In front of the black gates with Gimli who thought it an insult to die alongside an elf I politely didn't say better than a loser cowardly dwarf! So I just said: Then how about a friend. Wait did I just say that!  
  
Even Later: The battles over and we won miraculously and not before time as Aragorn nearly got himself killed by a cave troll. Which I tried to save him from only I was a bit too far away. Gandalf returned with an unconscious Frodo and Sam on the back of a giant eagle.  
  
Day Twenty-six: Frodo awake and I finally got to change my clothes Yay! Heard Frodo and Sam's tale and told ours! Stayed up til 10 o'clock until all the hobbits and Gimli got drunk.  
  
Day Twenty-seven: Aragorn's coronation and his and Arwen's wedding. Got to wear my princely crown and even better, all of our adventures are over. Next year I'm *definitely* going skiing with father. 


End file.
